Makoto's Unfortunate Pregnancy
by Abe Lincoln Lover
Summary: Supposedly a crack!fic. Deals with the feud between McDonald's and Burger King, and whether or not KID works at McDonald's. Based off the episodes 746 and 747, but trust me it's completely different heheh


**AN: because i just watched episodes 746 and 747, so obviously i had to write something in honor of dear KID-sama**

**and this is crack, which is "obviously" different from the other stuff i write**

**but looking back this isn't really crack so huh**

Makoto didn't like that everyone kept talking about this Kaito/Kaitou guy. Especially Sonoko. She sounded a lot like she was in love with him. And that just made him mad, because hey he was supposed to be her boyfriend, and HE was supposed to be the guy that she was lovey dovey about. So therefore there had only been one option, and that was to take KID on like a man, fight mano a mano, you know the deal. Seriously, if he was a karate champion obviously he was going to use his superpowers for something useful. Not to mention, Sonoko would take him out to KFC later if he won the duel.

So he prepared for the fight by doing his usual one finger pushups, and by eating all the hamburgers that McDonald's had in its freezers. He was aware of a slight ticking in his stomach currently that sort of puzzled him, but all confusion was put to rest when he remembered seeing Hakuba Saguru working in the kitchens, and that most likely the guy's pocketwatch had fallen into the batter of the corn buns when thawing them out. Or something like that. Makoto decided he just didn't want to know what was up with that, since there wasn't supposed to be batter in the first place, and he knew for a fact that Hakuba didn't have a part time job at McDonald's. He knew this, of course, because he saw him occasionally at their job at Burger King.

Burger King people hated McDonald's people, and that was a fact of life.

That particular fact of life was another one of the reasons why Makoto was so set on fighting KID. He'd heard that KID worked at McDonald's, or at least sometimes ate there, and so there was no excuse for that. KID must be punished. So yeah.

Makoto sat on the pedestal, waiting. The ticking in his stomach was helpful, since it let him know what time it was. He was quite curious as to whether or not his stomach would evolve into a clock face, with his belly button being the center of it all and having hands sprouting from it. Not real hands. Hopefully. But like. Clock hands. And then he'd be able to tell the time all the time, whether Hakuba's watch was still being digested or not.

Ugh, that brought about a prospect he wasn't looking forward to. That watch was mad huge. Maybe... maybe he could evolve himself or something. And like, excrete it through his skin. He'd have time literally pouring out of him. That'd be pretty cool, and maybe then he could be friends with Hakuba (Hakuba didn't really like Makoto because he was always jealous of his luxurious skin tone, which Makoto admittedly took no pride in due to the fact that it made him stand out as a sore thumb and just went to show how much of a freak he was. because Makoto was an alien, from the planet of Karate Island, and he hated that nobody could look past that. really, guys. he's an organism that resembles a human, too. show some respect).

Sonoko bounded into the display room - wait SONOKO?! Makoto stood up and greeted her with a man hug and a peck on each cheek. "Sonko, what are you doing here?"

"It's Sonoko," she said, completely avoiding the question.

He glared at her. "You know that my alien-ity doesn't allow me to pronounce your name correctly. But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out in the hallway with the sleeping gas I set up?"

"But I didn't want to fall asleep. You know that I have bad dreams."

He pleaded with her. "Come on, Sonko, take one for the team -"

"TERRIBLE NIGHTMARES, MAKOTO."

"I understand, but -"

"SIMPLY _TERRIBLE,_" she enunciated further. He sighed and decided to just let her be. "Fine, Sonko. But just stay out of the way, okay? I don't want any pillars to fall on you, God forbid I have to punch them to the ground so that I can use them as a catapult to let me jump up to the roof."

She stared at him. "Why would you EVER have to do that?"

"First rule of karate: always be prepared."

"But that's just ridiculous even to think about," she complained. Obviously she never lived on Karate Island Planet.

He shook his head. "You don't get it. You're so cute when you're stupid."

"HEY!" She slapped him just as the lights went out. Suddenly strobe lights started going.

"WTF IS THAT KID DOING THIS" Because Makoto was just about at his wits' end with this guy, and this gem, and everything on this stupid planet. He just wanted to go home and immerse himself in the highly cultured, extremely entertaining pasttime of reading textbooks to one's neighbors whilst pouring mercury over the lawn. NOTE: Mercury is dangerous on Earth. NOTE: Mercury is not dangerous on Karate Island Planet. NOTE: Instead, it is actually a great organic form of grass fertilizer, and also doubles as a great, lowfat replacement for chocolate syrup. NOTE: Such uses are not as advisable on Earth, though, since as said before, it can kill you.

"LOL YOU BET IT IS," KID walked in from the front doors, arms outstretched in a typical "I'm awesome" gesture. Makoto resisted the strong urge to use mental karate, since after all KID had requested for a fair fight. That meant just using physical abilities available to aliens as well as humans. Which meant no mental karate, just physical karate. He stared KID down. "Conan-kun has epilepsy and you know that. If you don't turn down those strobes then he won't be able to come in here and do nothing but get in my way!"

"What a shame, I know," KID was filing his nails, which was a particularly stupid thing for him to be doing since he was wearing gloves. Anyway. He put the file away and raised his eyebrows. "So. Makoto, is it?"

Makoto nodded. "And you're Kaito?"

"It's Kaitou KID. Don't forget the 'u' at the end of 'Kaito'. Otherwise people might know my real name," KID winked at Makoto. "Anyways, I guess I'll be taking the - what was the jewel's name?"

The alien boy thought on that. "I don't actually know. I think the name was mentioned, like, once, but I forget. I'm too busy concentrating on the length of your fingers to remember that type of important information."

"Whatever, I'll just take it," KID plucked the necklace off Makoto. Alien boy got mad. "Wait! You can't just leave!"

"Huh? Why not?"

Makoto stared at him like he was the dumbest guy ever. "We gotta settle this thing between me and you!"

"About...?"

"McDonald's and Burger King!"

"Oh that," KID nodded his head in recollection. "Yeah I go to Dairy Queen."

"Dammit. So who was it that goes to McDonald's?"

"Hakuba?" KID tried.

"No, I work with him."

"Hattori?" KID suggested.

"Nah, McDonald's got banned in Osaka."

"What?"

"Yeah, don't ask."

"Well then... Kudo?"

"No... wait. Wait. Yes. YES. IT'S KUDO. KUDO SHINICHI," Makoto cackled manically. "YOU HEAR THAT KUDO SHINICHI? MY STOMACH IS TICKING DOWN THE MINUTES YOU HAVE LEFT TO LIVE! BWAHAHAHA"

KID watched, expressionless. Once Makoto stopped cackling, he asked coolly, "So can I go?"

"Oh, yeah. Go right ahead." Makoto held the window open for KID. After all, he was a good host. And a good host sees his guests out to the door, and makes sure that they depart safely. KID walked to the window and looked at Makoto strangely.

"What?" Makoto questioned.

KID sighed. "I can't take this jewel. If I do, then Sonoko's mother won't let her marry you. Also you'll look like a complete sissy that can't protect a stupid piece of glass from a petty magician, and you'll be marked as an insult to your home planet."

"I don't care about any of that. Well, I care about Sonko's mom not letting me date her anymore, but -"

"No. Shut up. I don't care about the details," KID huffed impatiently, "and in case you didn't notice, I've gotta get out of here. Like, right about now."

KID stood up on the windowsill and looked down at Makoto. He held the jewel out, and just as Makoto reached for it, he took it back and swallowed it. Makoto gaped at him. "What the hell? I thought we had an agreement!"

"Uh uh uh," KID tsked. "We never agreed on anything."

"But Sonko's mom will -"

"SONOKO IS CHEATING ON YOU!" KID blurted out.

"...what?" Makoto's glasses slid off his face, despite the fact that he had applied anti-slip gel to them prior to KID's visit. He looked sad, looking away from KID sadly. Finally, he managed, "With who?"

"Hey, dude, I didn't mean to tell you," KID tried.

"WITH WHO?" Makoto's screaming was now louder than the ticking from his stomach.

"Um," KID stated, "me."

"..."

"k bye makoto," KID jumped out the window and started flying away. Makoto screamed after him. "DAMN YOU KID I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND KARATE YOU UP SO HARD IN YOUR OVARIES THAT EVEN YOUR UNBORN CHILDREN WILL FEEL IT"

"BWAHAHAHA" KID cackled back, "AND I LIED ABOUT GOING TO DAIRY QUEEN! I ACTUALLY GO TO MCDONALD'S! BWAHAHA!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo," Makoto screamed into the night just as Hakuba, who was British, walked in. He was in werewolf form but transformed back into human form so that he could talk to Makoto. "Top of the morning!"

"Hakuba it's nighttime"

"Look," Hakuba drawled, obviously drunk. Makoto smelled tea on his breath. "you an me, we gots our lovvvvvvvves took by KID," Makoto knew he was referring to Nakamori - Aoko not Ginzo - and kept listening, "buts we gotta nuttin in common, and we gots beat by KID, an we gone be laffed at by Ginzzzzzzzzo, but we got each otter, right? so we gots ta -"

"Hakuba, dammit, I'm not going out with you."

"but yurr with my child," Hakuba protested.

"No I'm not." But then Makoto thought about it. The... the pocket watch? Was Hakuba's kid? And Makoto was pregnant? Aw hell no. "Hakuba I'm getting an abortion."

"buts we work atta da burga kingy, an we sole mates -"

"No. No no no no no. You're british," Makoto said, and that explained everything. Hakuba gave him puppy dog kitty cat eyes. "plz makoto pleazzzzzzzze we gots ta keep da kiddie an raise him ta be da bestestttt detectivy-karate guy evarrrrrr"

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THIS DRUNK BY DRINKING TEA?" Makoto slapped him in the face, knocking Sense into him. Sense wasn't amused and walked out the door. Hakuba, on the other hand, sobered up. "What in the bloody hell was that for, Kyogoku?"

"WTF HAKUBA YOU CAN'T JUST UGH" Makoto slapped his forehead. "You know what. I'm done. So done. I'm going home and getting drunk. Bye Hakuba. See you at work tomorrow."

"Certainly, Kyogoku," Hakuba replied pleasantly. Suddenly his ears perked up like a bloodhound's. "Hold on, and listen. Can you hear that sound? That is the ticking of my pocketwatch -" Makoto gulped "- and I was fairly certain I had already lost it earlier this day. Do you happen to have it on your person, Kyogoku?"

"Um, yeah, I kinda swallowed it...?" Well it was the truth at any rate.

Hakuba was puzzled by this prospect. "How come you did that?"

"Um, well wait actually," Makoto thought about it even more. Did he even eat the damn thing? Or did it just magically wind up in his stomach, as if it were some miraculous conceived child or something. Because he knew that he sure as hell didn't have sex with Hakuba, and even more besides that he was pretty sure he couldn't get pregnant by any normal means. Waiittttttt. He was _pregnant_, and a _man_. That was enough said, no more questions needed to be asked. "I'm pregnant, Hakuba. With your watch."

"Oh, bother," Hakuba sighed. "Did my pocket watch wind up in a burger at McDonald's? That you ate?"

"Uh, yeah. Pretty much."

"Did your cashier happen to be Kaitou KID?"

"Well he does work there apparently..."

"Well then?"

"Well then what?"

Hakuba sighed again. Makoto got a feeling that Hakuba was feeling like this was like dealing with a two year old. What a condescending jerk. "Kaitou KID obviously stole my pocket watch and planted it in your Happy Meal so that I would feel inevitably bonded to you, that we he could get the two of us out of his way so that he could steal all the girls. You see, he's Mr. Steal Your Girl. With us out of the way, he automatically scores Nakamori Aoko and Suzuki Sonoko, who are not only beneficial to him on a business level, but helpful on a pimping level."

"KID's a pimp?"

"Well, he dresses like one," Hakuba snorted. He then put his arm around Makoto, and started walking him to the door. "So, anyway, do you know when it's due?"

"May 15, 2015 at approximately 4:25:28 am," Makoto answered. At Hakuba's questioning glance, he elaborated, "The damn watch keeps letting me know."

"Ah," Hakuba shrugged the matter off, seeing as it was unimportant. Besides, there were better things to be talking about. As they exited the museum, he felt Makoto lay his head on his shoulder. Hakuba smiled, and asked the most important question of the evening.

"So, are you ready to be a father?"

THE END

**AN: HURRAY FOR OOC! :)**


End file.
